8 Non-Player Characters from John Prine Songs

29 Sep, 2026

I got kicked off of Noah's Ark
I turn my cheek to unkind remarks
There was two of everything
But one of me

And when the rains came tumbling down
I held my breath, and I stood my ground
And I watched that ship go sailing
Out to sea

• Sweet Revenge, John Prine

John Prine (1946-2020) is probably my favorite country-folk artist. I only started listening to his work after his passing, but he has been incredibly important to me since. One of my favorite parts of his music is the fully-realized characters that emerge from his songs, so I want to share with you some characters you can adapt to your elfgames or detectivegames or elfdetectivegames that I think transcend modernity and reach back to the human(oid) condition.

Below I'll share a snippet of the songs associated with these characters and I'll finish fleshing them out with Viridian Void's Minimum Viable Person - they should each have a "Vibe", a "Desire", and a "Technique". I think the song helps capture the character's vibe but where appropriate I'll expand a bit. Prine's songs swing from upbeat to darkly comedic to melancholy and I've tried to capture some of that range here.

Dear Abby

B. Wildered

Dear Abby, dear Abby
My feet are too long
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call?

Signed bewildered

Stat As: Sasquatch or some other big-footed creature

Vibe: Bellyaching lamentation, balding all over his body in patches and visibly scorned and lonesome

Desire: Security and companionship

Technique: Capable of crying out across space and time, begging for advice and clarity

Uncle Happy

Dear Abby, dear Abby
My fountain pen leaks
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead

Signed unhappy

Stat As: Scholar or Sage

Vibe: I mean...unhappy. Spindly middle-aged man with hair growing from his ears and nose.

Desire: Wants someone to convince him that life isn't as grim as he's experiencing it

Technique: Constantly writing letters

Grandpa Was a Carpenter

Grandpa

Grandpa was a carpenter
He built houses stores and banks
Chain smoked camel cigarettes
And hammered nails in planks
He was level on the level
And shaved even every door
And voted for eisenhower
'cause lincoln won the war.

Stat As: Blacksmith or Artisan

Vibe: Fastidious and patient, always has tools or a project in hand. Slight hunch to his shoulders from a lifetime of hard work

Desire: Wants to see justice done in his little town and has a long memory

Technique: Extreme precision and craftsmanship

Grandma

Now my grandma was a teacher
Went to school in bowling green
Traded in a milking cow
For a singer sewing machine
She called her husband "mister"
And walked real tall and pride
And used to buy me comic books
After grandpa died.

Stat As: Priestess

Vibe: Proud and stern older woman with kind eyes and an upright posture

Desire: To honor her late husband's memory and decorate his grave

Technique: Powerful devotion that creates a protective aura against evil spirits

That's The Way that the World Goes Round

I know a guy that's got a lot to lose.
He's a pretty nice fellow but he's kind of confused.
He's got muscles in his head that ain't never been used.
Thinks he own half of this town.

Starts drinking heavy, gets a big red nose.
Beats his old lady with a rubber hose,
Then he takes her out to dinner and buys her new clothes.
That's the way that the world goes 'round.

Stat As: Werebear or Flesh Golem

Vibe: Middle-aged heavyset man with big hands and forearms. When he's sober, he's friendly and jovial but is mean and abusive when he drinks

Desire: Wants to be recognized as more important and powerful than he is

Technique: Overwhelming strength

Sabu Visits the Twin Cities Alone

His manager sat in the office alone
Staring at the numbers on the telephone
Wondering how a man could send a child actor
To visit in the land of the wind chill factor

Hey look ma
Here comes the elephant boy
Bundled all up in his corduroy
Headed down south towards Illinois
From the jungles of East St. Paul

Stat As: Changeling or Brownie

Vibe: Sabu is a "child" actor, secretly a fae, sent to the material plane to drum up support for his traveling wild animal performances

Desire: Sabu wants to fill a circus tent at any cost

Technique: Can speak with animals freely

Angel From Montgomery

I am an old woman named after my mother
My old man is another child that's grown old
If dreams were lightning, and thunder were desire
This old house would have burnt down a long time ago

Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery
Make me a poster of an old rodeo
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go

Stat As: Angel or Saint

Vibe: Otherworldly, experienced, exhausted

Desire: Wants to create a memory of risks that she regrets not taking in her youth

Technique: When she whispers, it rumbles like thunder and can be heard by sensitive ears from miles away

Christmas in Prison

She reminds me of a chess game
With someone I admire
Or a picnic in the rain
After a prairie fire
Her heart is as big
As this whole g-ddamn jail
And she's sweeter than saccharine
At a drug store sale

Stat As: Witch or druidess

Vibe: Middle-aged woman, mournful and missing her other half

Desire: To see her beloved rehabilitated from prison

Technique: Can feel another person's desires so deeply that it feels like mind reading